This is an excerpt from “Miscellaneous Advice” which will be updated with this and more, available March 21, 2026. Definitely come back for that!

The “Drop and Leave”

“Hey, quick hi — You seem like a really nice person. Here’s my number in case you ever want to talk or maybe get a bite to eat with me. No pressure at all. Have a great day.” 

“Hey, you seem like a really kind person. Here’s my number in case you ever want to meet up for food or something. No pressure at all. Have a great day!”

“Excuse me. I don’t mean to interrupt you, but I wanted to give you my number. No pressure at all. Have a great day!”

“Excuse me. I don’t mean to bother you while you are working. Here’s my number, for off the clock. No pressure at all. Have a great day!” 

“You seem like a really nice person to talk to. I have to get back to what I was doing, but I’d like to give you my number and let me know sometime. No pressure. Have a great day.”

“I enjoy our conversation. You seem really nice. I have to leave and be on my way, but here’s my number in case you ever want to talk more in the future. No worries at all. Have a great day.”

Any variation of the like works, but key words “No pressure” and “Have a great day.” That keeps it respectful and low-to-no pressure.

“Hey, I’m heading out, but I wanted to say hi before I did. Here’s my number if you’d like to talk sometime.”

“Hey, quick hi — I didn’t want to interrupt, but I thought you were cute. No pressure at all. Here’s my number.” Smile, hand it over, walk away.

“Random, but I saw what you’re reading and thought you seemed interesting. If you ever want to grab coffee, here’s my number.” Then exit the aisle like a gentleman.

“This is super random, but I figured I’d say hi. If you ever feel like a coffee, here’s my number.” Keep it light, no explanation.

“Hey, quick one — I didn’t want to interrupt your workout (make sure she is clearly done with the set, or leaving). If you ever want to grab a smoothie sometime, here’s my number.” Immediately disengage and leave. 

“Hey, I’ll keep this short — you seem really cool. If you’d ever want to take a walk or grab coffee, here’s my number.”

“Your dog just made my day. If you and your pup ever want a walking buddy, here’s my number.”

“Hey — super quick, I didn’t want to miss the moment. No pressure at all.”

“Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you. I’m gonna leave my number here—if you ever want to grab a coffee or a drink, shoot me a text. If not, no worries at all. Have a good rest of your shift!”

You could also just keep it really simple: “For when you’re off the clock.”

If you’ve been making a lot of eye contact, or the vibe is very relaxed, then you can just simply say, “Hey, how’s it going?” Have a very brief, respectful exchange, then leave. Give or leave them your number paper. Brief is the most important part, making it much less threatening, much more interesting. Lingering is generally a big red flag, even if you mean completely well. It may suggest that you have nothing going on in your life. 

Approach from the front, or at a slight side angle (45 degrees). Approaching from behind is risky and potentially scary; unless you can be very smooth about it: coming from the back, you step to her side, you say “Excuse me, just wanted to say hi. I have to leave, but was just curious [or] here’s my number, etc.” Make eye-contact (No uninterrupted, but also not non-existent. Half the time).

By the way, eye-contact is probably the biggest sign of flirting. If they are looking at you, staring at you, well, I’ll just say this: subconsciously, people don’t look at things they are uninterested in. 

This is what you can do: cut out a piece of paper, a receipt, whatever is practical. Put your name and phone number on it. If you just want you number, that’s fine. No hearts and smiley faces (unless that is your genuine style — I’m huge on being yourself because at some point, that shit is going to come out). Don’t use your social media: it creates friction because now they have to think, “Mmm, which app? Which profile is he?” and they also will go through your profile, risking pre-judgment before they know you. Phone number suffices and is most efficient. 

Carry this with you in your wallet. It’s not creepy, it’s being prepared. Because life is fast; interactions are quick; and you will never, ever see that gem again. Because the world is big. 

Sometimes the conversation is fluid and you won’t even need to hand them your number; you can offer your phone, and they might accept. They might even offer you their Instagram handle. 

Do not ask for their phone, or any personal information for that matter. Not even their name. You are not entitled to any of that. And it puts them into the defensive, because now all of a sudden they are getting interrogated. Bad move.

Also do not say “You are beautiful,” “Wow, you are just so attractive,” or “You have beautiful eyes.” Psychologically this puts them into the defensive, purely because you are coming at them in the offensive, so nature will naturally try to avoid, run away, etc. If you get a first date, a “you look nice” suffices. On a second date, you can say how you think they are beautiful. But definitely not on this first interaction, which I am terming “Hit and Run” because it’s memorable. I know the connotation of the word can be negative and violent: that is not what is going on here. Here, it is low-pressure, safe, respectful introduction, then out. Because you have a life. And if you don’t, you better get one. A relationship is not your top goal. Your top goal needs or ought to be something humanitarian and environmental in-scope (aka something bigger than your own self and family). 

No lingering. No asking questions like it’s a damn interrogation. If you do this, you are turning a safe interaction to a “Is this guy a weirdo?” “Does he not have anything else in his life going on?” “Should I be concerned?”

Worst-case scenario? She tosses it. That’s it. No harm, no embarrassment. It’s not even rejection, it’s just neutral. You didn’t overstep, and you didn’t make it weird. Best-case scenario? You get a text later saying “Hey, this is the Chipotle girl 🙂”.

Staring from across the room is not going to get them to come to you. Side eyeing them is not going to get them to talk to you. Looking even like a Chad is still (for the most part, unless she’s the outgoing type) not going to get the connection. Nature demands that the man, no matter who he is, approach with confidence and boldness, without stepping over lines. You can go your whole life watching these women pass you watching these opportunities pass you and never making a move and if you do this, you’ll never ever get relationship, let alone interaction.

So, be prepared with your cut-out piece of paper. Prepared means just that. It doesn’t mean perfect. This is just normal human interaction. You may fumble a word or two. You may feel silly. But that’s just mostly in your own critical mind.

It is not offensive. It is not harassment (persistence and offending something). This is a one-time interaction. That’s it. If they contact you, then that’s a yellow or green light (to proceed with caution). 

Do not double text. Match their energy. A healthy relationship is where one person gives a penny, and the other person gives a penny. Not one person gives ten dollars, and the other person gives a penny. 

I learned this the hard way, from missing out or messing up many opportunities. I learned these “smooth” lines from AI actually, and tweaked them a bit. As I said, you have to adjust them on the fly, tailor them to your personality, but the basic themes stay the same: keep it short, respectful, no physical appearance comments, “no pressure” (and mean it), “have a great day” (and mean it), and leave immediately. Not “hard rules,” but recommendations. If they ask you a question, don’t walk out on them like a cliff-hanger. Respond, but keep it short, then leave. 

Typically, in a fast pace public environment, you’ll have three to five seconds to ascertain: “Am I curious enough to talk to this person?” If yes, go for it. This is a much lower threshold than “Is this person marriage-quality?” That’s a ridiculous question for a first-interaction, and will give you analysis-paralysis so you don’t make any move. 

It’s much better to go for it, give or leave them your number, and leave on that first attempt, rather than circling back like a hesitant stalker. If this is some place you go frequently (library, gym, store, whatever), then of course be mindful of that. “Hey, totally don’t mean to interrupt you. No pressure whatsoever. Have a great one!” It’s kind and respectful enough to where you don’t even have to think twice about returning. You didn’t do anything wrong. 

They will be thinking about you for the next few hours. “Mmm. He seemed kind, respectful, busy with his own life, and even a humous. And he looked good as well. I should hit him up.” You can’t think in the moment “Oh she rejected me,” “I reject her,” or “I’m not doing well.” In a ten second interaction, it’s impossible for anyone to fairy gauge that.  Sometimes they reject the number straight up. That’s fine, because when someone hands you something on the street, don’t you often wave it off? Yes. You just don’t want the risk. So, in that case, just leave it. They may change their mind. The ball is in their court. They have your contact. You can leave knowing you were smooth, with the peace of mind that you did all you can, that you left the gate open by leaving them your number. Whatever happens is not your fault. 

Now, I should probably say, don’t make these moves if you are totally not on your game. Clean yourself. Wear jeans instead of sweatpants. Don’t have a smoker’s mouth: your mouth and breath are first-sources they will immediately notice. Eat healthy and work on fitness. In other words, an unkempt slob who smells can give out their number a million times, it’s still not going to work, ever. 

This “Drop and Leave” can also work on social media, but just be extra smooth here. One text. Only. Not a barrage of texts. No physical appearance compliments. Just: “Hey, you seem really kind. I like the aesthetics of your profile —[provide why]. If you ever want to talk or go out for food sometime, here’s my number. [insert number].” That’s it. I think I may have said one time “cute” which probably backfired, but ya never know, some chicks like that, I guess. Don’t follow her stories right after. Don’t react to old photos. Don’t check in later if she doesn’t respond. If she never answers, there’s are plenty of reasons why, and most of them don’t have to do with you. So say nothing, and move on with your life. Delete the chat if that helps you. 

Let’s face it: a lot of people we meet are busy working. Here’s how to handle this. If you ask two “non-store” questions and she gives short, functional answers both times, stop there. That is the “smooth” way to handle it. It shows you can read the room and respect her space. If she’s giving long answers and asking you questions back, that’s when you may go for the “Number Drop” and leave. 

“I’m actually not from this immediate part of town—are there any hidden gem coffee shops or spots around here that aren’t a total tourist trap?” A low-pressure way to see if she has tastes she wants to share. If she gives a detailed answer, she’s invested in the conversation.

“Are you a local, or did you move here to escape the [weather/noise/traffic] somewhere else?” It gives her a “hook.” She can say “I’m a local” or she can tell you where she moved from. It’s a much more playful way to ask the same question.

“I’m trying to find something fun to do this weekend that isn’t just sitting at a bar. Got any recommendations for someone who’s bored of the usual stuff?” You aren’t asking for her life story; you’re asking for a recommendation. If she says, “Oh, I usually go hiking at [Trail Name],” you now have a real topic to talk about.

Instead of asking for help, ask for a subjective opinion. “I’m trying to decide between [Item A] and [Item B]. If you were buying this for yourself, which one is actually the better vibe?” If she gives a one-word answer, she’s just working. If she laughs or explains why she likes one, you’ve started a real conversation.

“Is it always this chaotic in here on a Tuesday, or did I just pick the lucky hour to show up?” If she sighs and starts telling you about her shift, she’s comfortable talking to you.

“You seem like you have great energy—hopefully they let you out of here soon so you can actually enjoy this weather/weekend.” This is a “soft compliment.” If she reacts positively (e.g., “Ugh, tell me about it, I’m going to a concert later!”), she has just opened a door for you to ask about her interests.

If the vibe check goes well and you’ve chatted for a minute or two about something other than the product, use the “leaving” strategy: “Hey, I actually have to head out, but I’ve really enjoyed this 2-minute break from reality. I’m going to leave you my number—no pressure at all, but if you ever want to grab a coffee or a drink when you’re off the clock, I’d love to hear more about [that concert/topic you discussed].” You aren’t asking her to go to dinner tonight (which is scary). You’re asking for a future “maybe.” You complimented her energy, not just her looks. That feels more sincere and less “creepy.” By giving the number and walking away, you show you aren’t desperate. Confidence is smooth. The “smoothness” here is all about confidence without expectation. If you ask, “Do you want to have my phone number?” or even more high-pressure, “Do you want to go out with me?” you are forcing her to make a “Yes” or “No” decision while you are staring at her. That creates pressure. If she isn’t sure, she’ll likely say “No” just to be safe. The better move is the “Drop and Leave.” 

Remember, your phone number is a gift. A gift means no expectation of anything in return for it. Don’t hold it in front of them. Don’t ask “Do you want this?” like you are waving a piece of bologna in front of your dog. Creates a high-pressure situation. Just hand it to her or leave it there. 

None of this is sleazy, salesy, desperate, needy, lascivious, offensive, or harassing. It’s just equipping men to be better prepared because interactions are limited, the pace of life is fast, dating apps generally do not work, staring from the corner doesn’t work, and conversation without any connector (note with number) is as pointless as the ocean horizon. 

Take care. 

—Elia Kazan