Be a klutz. Be awkward. Mess up. To get stronger, one must do reps. Socializing is no different. Freestyling rap is no different. If you never rap, and the music starts and you start, it’s going to sound … unpolished. When it comes to socializing, most never even step onto the field. They just sit back, imagine, wonder, theorize. You have to actually make a move and test things out, otherwise you’ll never get good. So, have these awkward, go-nowhere conversations. 

The most important thing here is that, despite offering some scripts, there is no script for real life. Real life is fast, in the moment, and totally impromptu. That’s why you should just focus on energy, not memorizing lines. Being present with them and sharing the moment is the most important part here. You can be silent but still communicating and connecting this way, if you can focus on it. If you take anything away from this piece, it’s that being present is the best form of communication.

Still, some lines and rules help.

First off, avoid commenting on looks and appearance. There are exceptions, but yes. Second, avoid trying to “box” them into an identity. Age, race, ethnicity, national identity, political ideologies. It’s best to avoid anything identity based. Also avoid deep, heavy philosophical questions: “What’s your purpose? What are your life goals?” 

Just share the moment with them. Talk about what they are doing, what you are doing, the weather, etc. 

If you want to get their attention, just say “Excuse me.” No one has ever been charged with a crime for announcing “Excuse me.” It shows respect and delicacy. 

Make eye-contact. It’s the most important thing. It shows you can be a solid, trustworthy foundation. Don’t be scared. 

Try to avoid interviewey, or questionnaire questions. What do you enjoy doing? Favorite vacation?  What would you do if? Don’t start on Chapter 5, in media res, when it’s only page one. Share the moment. Don’t try “solving” them. 

Here’s the deal with the phone number. If there was an actual, substantial conversation, then go for it. But other than that, take it as a cue from the universe to continue. You don’t need to get everyone’s phone number you meet. I also have a general rule: if I see them twice, then I’ll be a lot more considerate of asking for their number. If it’s just only going to be a one-time meeting, I am much more included to let it be. 

If you want some openers, you can try one of these. 

“How are you?”

“What are you up to?”

“Is it always this quiet here?”

“What’s the one thing in this town you actually recommend?”

“Are you just surviving the shift or is this a fun day?”

“What’s overrated around here?”

“If I had to try one thing in X City, what would you pick?”

“Are you enjoying this event?”

“What do you usually do when you actually get a day off?”

“What’s your go-to way to decompress after work?”

“Are you always this calm or just today?”

Low pressure, easy to answer, and it doesn’t put them on the spot. Notice how many of these are open-ended “what, where, when, why, how” questions? In the courtroom, these questions are used in direct examination, where your lawyer questions you; it’s friendly and creates an open canvas for you, the respondent, to express. Contrariwise, you have cross-examination questions, which are pointed and specific: “You were here on this date and time, correct?” “The car was the color blue, yes or no?” These questions are considered adversarial because the person asking them is controlling where this conversation is going. They are generally not as good as open-ended questioning because it feels restrictive. 

Calm delivery and spaced out timing are crucial. Do not stack questions back-to-back. I’ve messed this up plenty. You just hit them with one question after another. No bueno. It’s exhausting to them and yourself. 

Say one thing, let it breathe, let them respond. Do not rapid fire questions. Let your words register. Let the person think, react, and express themselves fully. Then, respond to their answer, not with another question. It’s almost like you act a blank canvas. Let them dictate or design how it’s going to go. This is social etiquette because you are giving them a chance to be themselves and in return they will do the same for you. 
You’ll notice great interviewers are the ones who let the interviewees talk much more than they, and when the interviewee does talk, they think about what they said, then reflect on that. Hence why I generally dislike talk shows: egotistical hosts who just can’t help themselves from “taking over” and “over commenting.” No one cares or came to see the Talk Show Host. We are here for the celebrity. 

If they give short answers, low energy, or no questions in return, that’s your cue to get out. “Ok! Thank you!” and leave. Keep it positive. Even if they reject or don’t want to interact, first of all that’s not a negative judgment on you per se, they could just be tired or not in the mood. Secondly, you aren’t letting external circumstances bring down your mood, as that would be ungrounded of you. You are going to always choose to be pleasant. This is the definition of self-composure and self-confidence. And by behaving positive despite the ending you leave a good impression, which the other person will always remember.

Remember you are testing a vibe, not proving yourself. Always be authentic. However it plays out, that will be the best way because it’s genuine. If you pretend to be something you are not, the mask will fall off eventually. You won’t be able to carry the fakeness for too long. Just be real up front and immediately. 

If they are alone, you can walk up and just say “Hey, I just wanted to say Hello.” Watch them. See their vibe and how they react. That will tell you everything.

A mind hack that works is to stay focused on learning from them. If you are actually interested in someone, you will naturally do this. I’m not saying to be fake with it either; don’t waste time using this mind hack if you are genuinely not interested in them; but if you are, just remind yourself to stay focused on them. 

 If the place is busy, you can always slide by someone and saying something like, “Is the food good here?” or just making eye-contact and smiling. This is a good first impression and you might meet them later. 

Lower the stakes of every interaction. You’re not trying to recreate deep connection in 30 seconds. You’re just opening a door and seeing if it opens back.

Keep it light, keep it moving. You have a life to get back to. 

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This is an excerpt from my book Miscellaneous Advice (2026)