Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition characterized by a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects (emotional states, moods, and feelings), along with marked impulsivity. This definition comes from the official source, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR, 2022), authored by the American Psychiatric Association. 

A person with BPD might experience intense, frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, such as calling a partner dozens of times a day for fear of being left alone. They may also struggle with sudden, dramatic shifts in self-identity, perhaps cycling through drastically different career goals or personal aesthetics within a very short timeframe. Additionally, they often contend with chronic feelings of emptiness or intense, uncontrollable anger that can erupt over minor perceived slights in daily interactions. 

The following list outlines common behavioral patterns often associated with BPD that may indicate a need for clinical evaluation.

“Too Good to Be True” Dynamics: Relationships characterized by rapid-fire intensity, “love bombing,” and immediate declarations of a “soulmate” connection. On their very first date, Savy tells her date she has never met anyone who understands her soul like he does, calling him four times the next morning to discuss their “destined” future together.

Lack of Stable Identity: A pattern of adopting extreme personas or experiencing radical shifts in political or personal identity. One day, Steve is a radical conservative. The next month, he’s a radical liberal. One day Steve’s a Celtics fan. The next month, he’s a Lakers fan. 

Disproportionate Focus on External Security: A pattern of seeking partners solely to act as a “rescuer” or provider of status to stabilize fragile self-worth. Shania intentionally pursues men significantly older than her, not because of genuine connection, but because she explicitly seeks someone with high professional status to “fix” her life and protect her from her own insecurities. Can’t blame her. 

Excessive or Impulsive Body Modification: A high number of tattoos or piercings performed in rapid, impulsive succession. This can be interpreted as an attempt to assert control After a stressful week at work, Savy impulsively gets three new, large tattoos over the weekend, explaining that she feels like her personality is “fading away” and she needs the ink to finally feel like a real person. It was also a full-moon that weekend, so maybe that had something to do with it.

Manipulation of Vulnerability: Sharing highly sensitive traumatic history very early to force an intense “trauma bond.” “I was thinking about getting an iced coffee. How about you?” “Oh, my stepfather who raped me would drink ice coffee all the time. I’ll probably just do a matcha.” 

Compulsive Disclosure of Family Dysfunction: Sharing extensive details about severe family mental illness very early as an impulsive tool to solicit immediate sympathy. While waiting for their appetizers, Steve provides a detailed, unprompted summary of his family’s long history of institutionalization and substance abuse. Another example of efforts to “trauma bond.”

Chronic Social Volatility: A history of “burning bridges” characterized by explosive, short-lived cycles of intense friendship followed by sudden devaluation. Shania tells her new friend, Silvia, that her former best friend was “a total monster” who betrayed her. A few weeks later, they have a falling out, and Shania is telling everyone how much of a monster Silvia is.  

Emotional Over-Disclosure: The use of codependent language or insisting on the “unique” nature of a new relationship within days of meeting. After the third date, Savy leaves a voicemail for her new boyfriend saying he is the only thing keeping her alive and that he “completes” her. She doesn’t know his last name.

Some people say “women who date older men” is a red flag warning of BDP, or a person who doesn’t “hang out” with friends has potential mental health issues. In clinical terms, BPD-related social issues are characterized by chronic instability, conflict, and volatility, not by the mere fact of having specific age preferences or fewer friends. 

Green flags are the opposite. One does not go through radical, contradicting identify shifts. They do not self-harm (at least not excessively). They can sustain independence without “loneliness.” They know how to leave inappropriate matters off the table. They don’t have explosive outbursts. They have a stable history of long-term, supportive social connections. They see relationships as partnerships between two “whole people,” not a rescuer and a “victim.” 

If you are having any of these potential issues, call 1-800-Slim-Shady.